Stanage End: The Midges Descend

On Saturday, we headed up to Stanage High Neb, hoping to avoid the crowds of youth groups we could see swarming over the Popular End like hordes of dayglo GoreTex-ed ants. But no luck - it was such a clear day that even High Neb had us queueing for routes. Further over, we tried Crow's Chin (likewise) and then settled on Stanage End, where the queues were at least shorter. I led Prospero's Climb(VD**) to get myself going, and felt comfortable and confident on my feet - something of a rarity for me on grit. It's a really pleasant route, with decent gear and only one hairy move up to the mantel (pebbles are your friend!) with a satisfying layback above. In fact, the gear was SO good, that there's a red No. 6 Wall nut still on it, free to whoever can get it out :) Recommended.

Next we wanted to do Crab Crawl(S 4a**), but ended up getting halfway up the arete on it's VS 4c neighbour, and backing off. Lise was having a bit of a wibbly day overall, the stress of a monster project at work not quite departing as quickly as desired, so we headed round the corner as the afternoon sun began to deepen and bronze, to The Ariel(HVD *), so that she could get at least one successful lead under her belt and not feel bad about the day.

However, the midges had other ideas. As she got halfway up the opening slab, I began to feel itches and tiny pinpricks on my arms. I looked down to see my exposed arms covered in what must have been nearly fifty midges, crawling and nipping away. I quickly transferred the dead rope to my left hand and brushed off my left arm with my right hand, then reversed the pprocedure. I looked back at my left. It was covered again, already. WHAT THE...? I brushed off again. They came back again. Now I could feel them on my neck. My forehead. My ankles. My FACE. I could feel each bite like a tiny hot needle. ARGH!

Thus began a shredding endurance test, trying to brush the ravenous midges off any exposed skin whilst still belaying safely and trying not to inhale insects or panic Lise, who by this time had reached the top of the slab and was having trouble rounding the left-hand corner to finish. Looking up, I could see her frantically swapping hands between holding on and swatting midges away from her face. I could hear her increasingly nervous cries of "....Al....!" as her strength and belief began to fail in the face of the insect onslaught. In the end, the midges won, and she had to lower off. All this while a late-arriving quartet of testosterone-fuelled rock jocks with boulder mats and bravado sized up a brutal-looking test piece next door, suppressing their smirks at someone struggling on a mere HVD.

That just left the problem of all the gear on the route. I had to go up and finish it off. So I tied into the leader end, and top-roped up to the top of the slab, feeling like Pig Pen from Peanuts. I must say, though, that the slab moves were actually very pleasant climbing, and if I hadn't been in the process of being devoured alive, it would have been a thoroughly enjoyable route.

As I got to the highest bit of gear, and began the traverse around the corner, the constant midge battle heightened the sense of exposure while I figured out how to make the move. Ah, THAT's it! Feet high, and THERE's the crucial left-hand hold. Right, now to edge round and hope there's a decent exit on the other - ****-ing ****-ard MIDGES! - side. The finishing moves proved to be really quite fun, and protectable if need be, making it a highly recommended route if it wasn't for the ****-ing ****-ard MIDGES!. Building a belay at the top surrounded by a cloud of them was not a pleasant experience, with Lise crying out from below - "AL! HURRY UP! I'M BEING EATEN ALIVE!".

But build a belay I did, and Lise cleaned the route almost faster than I could take in, then I lowered her back down as soon as the last piece was out. A double-quick hurdle down the descent route led to us foregoing the usual rack organisation, it was a case of "just get it stuffed into the bag and let's get OUT OF HERE!". We ran down through the heather, as Lise told me that the macho quartet of burly boulderers had spent five minutes battling the midges, and then beat a hasty retreat calling "Bye!" over their shoulders. Which made me feel a bit better :)

All in all, there's definitely some high-quality climbs up at Stanage End, but I would recommend either going there earlier than late afternoon, or stocking up on insect repellent so powerful it's on the verge of illegal.